Soulful Poetry for Kindred Spirits

'So Much to Say' from Piercing Beauty

“Here’s your oatmeal and blueberries,” 

I said putting on a smile.

“Could you adjust my pillows?” she said.

“Of course honey, “ I said—

wondering how many more breakfasts

I would bring to her before she died.

“My arm is lost somewhere beneath the blankets—

I can’t feel it,” her eyes looked at me with expectation.

“I know, honey,” I said,

retrieving her arm from obscurity.

“And my leg feels as if it’s caught

like a fish in a net…quivering.” 

“Would you like me to move it over?” I said.

“Gently,” she said,

“Very gently,” I whispered, moving her leg 

across the quilted blanket,

across the jagged edges

of my grief.

I got there early today

there was so much to say—

“Have you been watching the birds at the feeder?” I said.

“I have…I love them,”

she said, her voice drifting away…

She didn’t say more—she didn’t say:

“I will come back to you as a bluebird…

And you’ll know it’s me then.”

I wished she had said that. We sat in silence—

“Look at how the sunlight is lighting up your hair!”

I finally exclaimed. “So pretty…”

“I love you too,” she said, smiling

while her one hand drifted up

to the place where clumps

of hair had fallen out.

“Can I brush your hair?” I asked.

She nodded.

I took up the brush and stroked her hair…

Grace descending on us as if with invisible wings…

“You know we will always talk, honey, 

we will always talk,” 

I whispered, but didn’t say:

“I would go with you if I could.”

She closed her eyes, 

surrendering to the moment.

There was so much to say,

and there was nothing to say.

I was yearning for words.

“The blueberries are so good,” she finally said, and I nodded—

My heart breaking open

as a thousand birds flew out of the nest 

of my heart into the sky above

without another word.